Flash Mob

Imagine the scene.

Fred the dog walker has had a hard day in his hot, stuffy office and all he can think is a lovely relaxing walk with Yorkie his dog. Even that moment when he can sit in the park on his favourite shaded seat overlooking the trees in the distance as the large, orange hazy sun sets towards the west as it hovers lazily over the trees.

Beautiful.

Just down the road...

Here we are, one big running pack, eighty strong all hot, sweaty and warming up for a Parlauf training session comprising 600 metres circuits. I had already been for my pre-Club run and was not sure if I really wanted to do it, especially in the current heatwave

"Right, chuck you bottles down here and break out into group 1 and group 2.....GROUP 2 OVER HERE BY THIS BENCH" Our coach yelled to the pack

Yes, Dear Reader, the bench that Fred the dog walker was sitting at watching the sun go down, his moment of tranquility burst like a kid's balloon as 80 runners proceeded to sprint around the park, his moment destroyed poor bloke

17 miles, 2 feet

The plan was to run from Petts Wood to Tower Bridge, an approximate distance of 14 miles (22 km) via Greenwich and a section of the Thames Path. However I had agreed to meet my chatty and fun loving running mate, Liz, some 3 miles from my house for 7.00am but as I stepped from my door with two bottles of water and my ever trusted Monkey Feet at 6.30am I was relieved it was still reasonably cool.

Taking a gentle jog along the road my mind soon chaged when I entered the woods to find the micro-climate was horrifically humid such that I was soon dripping in sweat and looking forward to getting out onto the road. 

After tagging up with Liz I assured her that I was sticking to plan and told her the route promising her there were to be no detours apart from an experimental route through to Blackheath and Greenwich Park. The miles whizzed by as we discussed plans  of our upcoming events (Liz is doing a 24 hour circuit race) our tactics and expectations kept close to our respective chests. Our pace was near perfect, our heart rates down and the foot strike gentle and unlaboured. 

We stopped off at Greenwich Royal Observatory for a few silly picture opportunities (see above) and some silliness when we thought up a few more ,adult only, pictures but chose not too as they were very silly.

Then it was down to the Thames Path for a very solid run along the banks of the Thames an incredibly historic area of London with cannons, anchors, ancient walls and moorings all good stuff to keep the conversation flowing...then the thought of an ice cold drink and a coffee in London changed our focus.

In all a lovely run one which we both agreed was brilliant training by firstly boosting our confidence and secondly because it was such an unexpectedly tranquil one right nxt to the hustle and bustle of central London

A Romulan Minefield

"Detach the hull section and leave this system immediately. We will not tolerate espionage!"

- Romulan Captain

I awoke from my evening postprandial snooze on the sofa with the sound of the television in the background with the dulcet tones of Captain Archer working on defusing a Romulan mine attached to the Starship Enterprise's hull plating his predicament made harder finding Lieutenant Reed was pinned down by said mine.

I too felt like Lieutenant Reed, pinned to the sofa but whilst it was not the bomb ticking, for me it was the clock.

Dragging myself up to the pile of running kit I got changed and pushed myself through the door feeling rubbish on the first hill but decided to make my way to the woods and just follow my nose. Not quite "To boldly go where no man has gone before" but enough to just wind down and enjoy the evening sunshine. Ever so often I saw people but chose to not run past them but to duck down a path and see where it took me....and I did it again and again then again.

The shadows lengthened, the pipistrel bats came out for their late evening snack and I just enjoyed running down unknown animal trails.

Time to return home and only realised the time when I got through the front door, a quick mapping found I had run 10 miles (16 km) and hadn't even realised

Things you do not want to hear

It is sufficiently long enough after the event not for the characters to be identified in this story and that shall remain unless they identify themselves.

Things you do not want to hear whilst on a run

Picture the run, we are at about mile 10 of a 12 mile run, it is warm and the terrain tough. The pack has worked up a sweat and the pub is calling

Runner 1: "Phew it is hot"

Me: "Yes, but a great run"

Runner 1: "Here Jez, I've run out of water can I have some of yours please?"

Me: "Yeah, sure" passing the bottle to Runner 1

Runner 1 then unscrewed the top, took a long gulp from the remains of my water and then said........

Wait for it....

Then said, as they passed the bottle back to me "Thanks, I was gasping as I have had a dicky tummy * all day!"

YUCK

* British for upset stomach/diarrhea

Pleasant surprise

The mini heatwave continues over England and the problem with us Brits is they normally come quickly such that we do not  acclimatise. 

After a sweltering day in the office and a sweaty ride on  the train I took the hot walk to my home when I met my neighbour and fellow club mate, Rob, who looked equally bothered by the heat. "I am meeting my mate at the end of the road in 20 minutes for a run, do you want to come along?" he asked and to my surprise I agreed.

Stepping through the door I grabbed by shorts, yanked an old running vest out of the draw and put on my Monkey Feet meeting him outside his front door. 

Nine very hot miles later I returned home after a very gentle paced trail run through the shaded paths of the local woods and nature reserve. Something so refreshing about an unplanned run.

My Monkey Feet have a new friend

Say hello to Maisy my new training partner.

Born 14th May 2013

Not the best week's training

Training has not been good this week due to various reasons:

1. Hip flexors became very tight causing my posture to change (I looked like I was walking like a duck) and in doing so caused my quads to tighten up.
2. The toe I stubbed began to grumble
3. The big toenail on my left foot is lifting off but at the same time the inner side is ingrowing 
4. The weather is unbearably hot and humid 
5. The blind runner rang me and is no longer running the local 10km 

The whole lot has conspired against me and with it my mileage has dropped and I am in desperate need to get the long runs in and built upon. So it is an early start for me tomorrow and out for a road/trail run of undetermined distance but hopefully about 26km but we are more interested in getting it done in the cooler part of the day. Race Vest packed with extra water and a little money to fill up if necessary.

Putting a bit back

Had a nice surprise tonight, I just happened to log onto Facebook and saw that Ray, a member of my secondary club, had asked for some assistance. He is using his skills and expertise to organise a low key 10km race for charity in my local area which is hard work at the best of time. It transpires he received an email from a visually impaired lady who was looking for a Guide Runner to assist her.

After a quick think about weekend logistics ( news to follow) I jumped at the chance and await an email from the lady so we can make arrangements to meet. It looks to be a reasonably challenging course, mainly road with a section of trail to negotiate twice....I am really looking forward to it.

Animal trails and nettle patches

At the club tonight there was a massive turn out and after a few administrative announcements the groups were called; I had all the intentions of going into a "short and slow" as I have had a lot of tightness in my hips. However, Charlotte stepped to the fore and said " Not sure where we are going and I haven't got a Garmin" so without thinking I piped up "I'll go with you Charlotte" and she announced we were going on a trail run!

So we were off and as we had loads of day light I planned to get to a section on woods which are not often trod by my club as not many members live in that locale which gave me an open book to get there so took the pack on a "fun" run along animal trails and some cute cut throughs my mate Bhundu and I have discovered (and made) through our many runs in the local woods. It was great to hear the pack laughing and shouting out if I knew where I was going but loved their response when we popped out at the road for them to know exactly where we were.

Back on the trails away from the roads I love to hear people say that they have no clue where they are and totally trust you, they themselves almost craving the opportunity to see some greenery and a beautiful sunset. Screams of joy as we negotiated armpit high stinging nettles and no grumbles when we took a "Jezza Detour" to show an "interesting local feature"

Then a regroup to plan the route back as a group and then to the club house by way of a few more nettles and the odd mud patch here and there.

A successful pack run, all safe and well but probably a little sore from the nettles. No Monkey Feet for me tonight as I want to settle the hips and quads out

Monkey Nerd

This evening my youngest daughter and I decided to explore our inner nerd and attended the Royal Society in London for an evening of blowing up marshmallows, creating mini tornadoes, to learn how to stick skewers through balloons without popping them, shown how to see a fanny in everything, cured gonorrhea with flower power and melted icebergs in Antarctica.

Yes, an evening of fun science, comedians and mayhem everything for a curious young (and old) mind to take inspiration from...we loved it.

"But what has this got to do with running Jezza?" I hear you ask Dear Reader.

Well Dear Reader, between the self-propelled fuelless submarine and the camera carrying insect we spied two exercise cycles attached to computers and a pair of running shoes and a Professor type with long hair. The trick with these events is to stand still, stare at the display and shake your head...you are immediately approached by said representative academic who is desperate to tell you about their specialism. My daughter raised her eyebrows to the heavens when the "Prof" and I engaged in the "Academic expert" and the "Practical expert" about the pro's and cons of his specialist shoe and when he heard me say "Well, why are you reinventing nature? What is wrong with using what you have got, a foot arch and an Achilles tendon?" that got him going, I was taken to the rear of the stand and a pair of prototype running shoes were pulled out "What size are you?", I replied "An 8". "These should be about a 9, have a go"

Trying the shoes on I was immediately met by this bouncy bounce mattress as the springs took control, incredible stuff...."Bit soft aren't they?" We looked at each other and smiled....I remembered he was an academic not a shoes salesmen and then we had a great 5 minutes of discussing the military application of such a technology that apparently reduces the bone shock by 10% and excellent for a load bearing frame.

We left his stand to discover nano tubes and watch the moons Saturn

Monkey Hole

During a run with my barefoot running Guru, Bhundu, last week I was telling him how happy I was that my Monkey Feet were holding out so well having done over 500 miles with soles looking good and the uppers in equally good condition. The Guru inhaled and uttered "You find that holes can appear just here," and he pointed to the inner side of the big toe " it's the mud you see."

So the other day I had a look at my Monkey Feet a little closer...lo and behold a small hole has appeared in the material which has caused me a whole lot of angst as I am now hunting around trying to find a good way of repairing it by way of:

1. Not causing any rubbing to my toe
2. Glue? or No Glue?
3. Material patch

Out to the camping/outdoors shop tomorrow to see what they have that could be of use

1,000 miles and still going

I have been a little distracted this week what with one thing and another but tonight after a set piece 10 mile trail run I sat down to update my running diary and see that I passed 1,000 miles (1,600 km) for the year last Tuesday  which puts me well on target for another 2,000 mile year. 

No wonder my quads feel like they have been battered with a baseball bat!

Night Run report

Saturday night was a scheduled Night Run with only a few participants invited as I was aware that there were a few local races and various injuries being nursed.

The plan was to run about 8 miles interspersed with a few local ghost stories a pint of cider at the halfway mark and a gentle amble up the hill back to the car. Well this was the plan at the start!!!

Emma, Karien and I started off the run in daylight and being the day after 21st June it was expected so it was a safe and gently paced run to the pub where we recounted a few tales and enjoyed the late evening drinking cool pints. As we left the pub for the return home the ladies contacted their husbands telling them they were safe and well and about to get back to the car. So with a hard climb to the top of the scarp above Shoreham I mentioned to the other two whether they would like to take another route.... 

ALARM BELLS RANG IN THE DISTANCE

and they agreed to take an alternative route around an old military research facility, you know the type, barbed wire, 12 foot high fences and security patrols in woods with no street lighting; what could possibly could go wrong?

As we stumbled along the fence line I saw track go straight on and the fence duck right, "If memory serves me right, it is this way" pointing down the hill

 ALARM BELLS RANG IN THE DISTANCE

We ran/walked down the very sharp decline past more barbed wire and found ourselves at the bottom of the scarp again, "Let's go up here" I shout

ALARM BELLS RANG IN THE DISTANCE

Turning in an industrial estate cut into the chalk cliff I remembered that in fact we should have turned right and followed the fence! Turning around we clambered up the hill again, I feeling full of beans but I suspect the other two probably cursing my very presence.

I was a little disappointed with my decisions so when we got to the fence again we had a chat and we decided together that we should continue around and not retrace so we did.

ALARM BELLS RANG IN THE DISTANCE 

As we clambered and bumped along we finally came out on a hillside which during the day would have presented a fantastic view but in the dark it was an amazing sight of twinkling sodium lamps and zooming cars on the motorway far below. We chose to clamber down the escarpment over rutted badger dens and ancient warrens to a gate and a road which I knew went directly to the car, just up a very steep and long hill

A CHOIR OF ANGELS BLEW HERALDIC TRUMPETS IN THE DISTANCE

So with a new found energy the three of us ran/power walked the hill, Karien talking of the burger waiting for her back at home and I silently thinking of a glass of cider.

There it was, the car and with it laughter and me apologising profusely about my rubbish decisions but we were safe if a little tired.

Was it 8 miles I here you ask Dear Reader? My arse it was, it was 11 miles in the end!

From Chaos Theory to Gravel to Broccoli

It is incredible what subjects get talked about on a run, the long run comprises much longer tales from happy happenings to dastardly deeds a work colleague has done as time is on your hands. The shorter run however, comes in fits and starts with fleeting comments.

Take this evening for example, my legs were feeling tired, my feet a little tender such that the Monkey Feet were given a night off and I was seen putting a pair of socks and a pair of trail shoes...the first time I had worn running shoes in 27 days and it felt, well, it just felt weird.

I was out of the house and I felt rubbish immediately, legs ached, breathing was hard and then I realised I was pushing the pace too much so pulled off and just went out to enjoy the evening. I then remembered that there was a training session at the club so thought I would potter down there and watch the guys go through their paces (not join in mind you but just have a laugh look).

As it ended I saw a few of the usuals and one of the ladies, Karien, a neighbour of mine, asked if I was running back towards home. I jumped at the chance as I was looking for some company so we zoomed off but poor old Karien was then embroiled in my over-enthusiasm as I asked if we could take a different route home [read as longer than she expected]. In that short run we covered:

• Broccoli
• Local environmental bye-laws
• Chaos Theory
• Bad managers
• Shrek and his Swamp, and
• the locals gallows

Wow, who said running was boring?

Put your boys back in the barracks!

Logistics in the household are always slightly strained on Tuesday evenings and tonight was no different such that the Delightful Mrs S volunteered to drive me to my second club as she needed the car and knew that I really wanted to run with them at the annual "Chevening Run" a brilliant 12.5 mile (~21km) trail run from Orpington and down the scarp to Chevening on the North Downs then back again.....ending with a very cold cider in the pub.

In a mad panic trying to find my kit I chucked on a shirt, a pair of shorts and my Monkey Feet but then remembered tradition dictated that I had to where my Union Flag Shorts. The weather being hot I didn't fancy wearing lycra shorts under them so decided to cut the exposed elastic out of the inner pant (which is ripped). Happy with my quick DIY job on the shorts I jumped into the car and we drove off.

As we drove off Mrs S pointed down to my waist area and said "The boys need to be back in their barracks!" and looking down I found I was exposing just a little too much of my privates which were happily lying on the car seat! Time to be careful, especially whilst clambering over stiles

Weather was hot this evening, in fact perfect for running over the downs with 50 or so other runners but I have realised that I am probably not totally recovered from GUCR quite yet finding it hard going on the up hills preferring to take it gently and walk in parts to prevent strains or unnecessary injuries.

Then to return back to the start watching a beautiful sunset over the North Downs Way to finish off for an unexpected [very] cold cider in the pub, perfect.

I name this race

There are many things I have been called in my life but there are very few [read as none] where I have had something named after me.....yes ME!

Some of my Dear Readers will remember my escapades in Hanover when the amazing Christian Hottas completed his 2000^th marathon and I was there to witness along with other runners from around the world.

Well Christian continues his onslaught with marathons and ultras being completed at a rate of 2-3 a week and then I spy something strange....

M/U # 2016 – Hamburg (Teichwiesen) – Jeremy Smallwood Marathon am 12.06.2013 

(link to blog here)

What's this "The Jeremy Smallwood Marathon?" surely not but the date confirmed it, Christian had created a marathon to commemorate my birthday and I am proud to say that there were three competitors and there was a winner.

Awesome...so what is you claim to fame Dear Reader?

When running through...

...fields of wild buttercups and giant daisies wearing Monkey Feet a.k.a. Vibram TrekSports you have to accept that your toes will become adorned with said flowers!

This picture was taken from the internet but it was getting a little silly at one point as it looked just like this.

...and then as I ran through a field of mown grass I likened them to a camouflaged sniper running with half a bail of hay on each Monkey Foot.

All very silly today

Monkeys, Cats and cakes

I had a plan last night to go for a night run recce but finding no takers I decided to call it off preferring the comfort of the sofa and the television. I was pleased however to hear that my mate Liz was up for a run on Sunday morning, I am often amused by my running friends as they often "grumble" that when they go running with me I always seem to add extra miles to the end of it, normally about 10%. The initial messages went:

 

Liz: "Early doors say 6.30 - 7. Need to get decent miles in but slow pace."

Me: "Suits me, can I pick you up at 6.45am very sedate, you call the mileage."

Liz: "14 ish, you okay to plan route."

Me: "Wow 14, can do that and will plan route now, see you then." 

Liz: "If too optimistic maybe go for 10 with option to add in? See you in morning."

I must add that I said "Wow" because I was pleased Liz had kept her miles up 

So now I am really confused as I know Liz of old that when she says 14, she really means 16 and if she says 10 she really means 12 because she knows I sometimes add miles so chose to make it about 13 miles and call it safe and then add a little loop if we needed it.

Cats and Monkeys

Elmer

Today there was a definite theme going through the run....cats and animals in general. Liz and I are best described as "Cat People" the sort of people that when we retire we will have a house full of cats and have a slight smell of cat pee about us when we are in the shops buying food for them. So as we set off at the agreed "slow pace" and after the usual chatter about holidays and running the subject of cats came up as it normally does but then we found ourselves passing an animal sanctuary which saw us stop and lean on a fence laughing at the antics of the goats therein and then the promise of a trip to the local cat sanctuary where I wanted to see if my old mate Elmer lived. So making a small detour we found ourselves leaning on another fence surrounded by santuary cats all suspicious of the new lycra clad entertainment.

Then after a few minutes we moved off, this time with the important intention of getting a coffee and cake at the famous Cake... shop where we managed to get in before official opening time and have a well deserved rest after about 13 miles of running (and resting on gateposts).

The last mile or so was very sedate as our breakfast slopped about inside but we were happy with the relaxed run and the opportunity to catch up on the news

Feeling down

 The last few days I have felt really down and emotionless, I have been asked whether it is a downer from the GUCR but I don't think it is. In these moods I become introspective, mind spinning over and over, sleep disturbed and not suffering fools gladly. My stubbed toe has not helped seeing me limping around the place and then having to pull out of Sweeping duties at the South Downs Way 100...35 miles is just too much for a swollen foot. It is times like this that strangely I become more creative possibly my mind trying to find an escape and my need to latch onto something as a distraction but in danger of becoming obsessive.

This week saw me totally frustrated by the purchase of an extremely expensive mapping system at work that whilst powerful was very slow such that it could extend a call centre's phone call by 4 minutes. I decided that in my morose mood to prove I could build an alternative using Open Source data (read as free)  and my IT skills...I did and if implemented could save thousands of pounds over a year. I should be excited but I am not. 

Plan is to run on Saturday at some point, in fact I may go for a night run recce just to escape.

Stubbed Toe

The opportunity of going out with the running club was calling to me on Tuesday evening and so armed with my Monkey feet I charged through the woods to the club. Still be very cautious about my speed at the moment I chose a reasonably paced group that promised to go mainly off road around the usual paths of the local woods and nature reserve.

I am not a great lover of pack running with a lot of inexperienced runners so I positioned myself near the front so I could get a good view of the path and to keep away from runners who have a habit of getting too close. Then it happened:

STUMP

 and I felt myself stumble when my big toe stubbed a massive root which was obscured by another runner who did not call it through. Eye watering stuff as I continued on for the next 6.5 miles grumbling to anyone who was in earshot that I thought I had hurt my toe quite  badly.

Looking at it today, it is swollen, bright red and hurts when I walk on it after sitting down for a while, I am not a happy bunny as it looks like my run will be off on Saturday if this does not clear up soon as I don't fancy 50-60kms with a bruised toe....ggrrrrr