Fartlek

1. An athletic training technique, used especially in running, in which periods of intense effort alternate with periods of less strenuous effort in a continuous workout.

2. A workout using this technique.

As regular readers will know Thursday evenings are always bad for me when it comes training, I am usually tired or grumpy  and need some motivation to get out of the door. Having been on a training course for the past three days with work I was mentally tired and had to force my way out of the door for a run. So headtorch in one hand and mobile phone in the other I decided that this long distance runner needed to get some speed back in his legs, the only way to do it was a fartlek.

With an 8 mile course in mind I warmed up for a mile and then  ran 400 metres at full pelt and then a jog for 100 metres repeating the process until I was a mile from home when I was supposed to warm down.....but....

I had reached a gentle down hill and chose to RUN home as I got to the base of the hill I glanced at my Garmin and saw that I was running at 10.2 mph......OMG that means sub 6 minute miles, hey this old boy still has it in him even if it was for a very short distance it is good to see it happen once in a while.

I got a right eyeful tonight.

This evening's plan, grab headtorch, run the 3 or so miles to the club via the woods, run with the 5 mile group and then run the 3 miles back via the woods again...good plan I hear you shout.

This evening's jaunt through the woods was a good refresher as the weather has been dry and the ground rock hard enough to be slightly eroded to expose some nasty trip hazards in the form of silver birch roots (nasty, shallow root system) and so took this section very carefully. I was also taken aback when I found that in certain parts of the woods the air was extremely humid especially in the shaded areas near the streams and this provides a new experience I will explain later.

Arriving at the club I again ran with the 5 mile group which I am really beginning to enjoy the opportunity as the people are in it are reasonably new to running or returning to it after a break and it is really great to see the various group dynamics.

So leaving the club and bidding my farewells I put my head torch back on I headed for the woods again. The woods at this time are a completely different place, nocturnal creatures are prowling and ever so often, in the beam of my torch, I can see a pair of eyes dart away, the railway tracks clink as the metal retracts in the cooling air. As I approach the areas that were humid from earlier I find they have turned to mist again hampering my run...at last I exit the woodland path  to hear a strange banging noise and a grunt to turn the corner to find a couple bent over a car bonnet....erm... in flagrante delicto. I am a reasonably broad minded individual and was not embarrassed in the least by the discovery as it was so dark I couldn't see anything anyway and carried on down the road with a series of muffled expletives being flung around between the couple who had obviously decided that the cul-de-sac was a safe bet for not being disturbed but hadn't realised in this part of deepest, darkest Kent, I enjoy my night running :-)

Nice set of runs this evening with the bonus of running with a good bunch of people.

Streaking

No Dear Reader, not naked running but the art of streaking... "What is streaking?" I hear you exclaim.

The official definition of a running streak, as adopted by the United States Running Streak Association, is to run at least one continuous mile within each calendar day under one's own body power (without the utilisation of any type of health or mechanical aid other than prosthetic devices). 

I was on Twitter tonight on a feed with two runners discussing their latest streak statistics, one describing the fact he had run a 23 day streak of ~190 miles and another whose statistics were not available. Reading this conversation and had my head reeling about this and why this would be of benefit to the runner and whilst raising a hand and applauding the persons involved I couldn't help but feel that it was done for the wrong reasons. (Yes I did 260 miles in 30 days earlier this but I had rest days)

This blog is not about slating peoples training plans or aspirations after all mine is not perfect but it is about ensuring that in every plan that you undertake there is sufficient rest or reduction in mileage on a regular basis to allow the body sufficient time to recover. This is a heartfelt plea to any runner to understand that you are not a robot and your body does wear down, I was flabbergasted when I heard one person say they were trying to build an aerobic base having nearly run 1500 miles this year....I think that base is there don't you?

So as I always say "Listen to everyone, follow nobody" just heed my warning, don't use that over used term floating around running communities of "Listening to your body" for I won't be listening to you when your body wears down, don't grumble that you feel tired and then go running, don't grumble when you say your leg hurts and then go running....just rest and enjoy it. 

Here endeth the lesson and open letter .

Wanted for crimes against running shoes

I had to laugh this evening when my good running buddy Robert made a comment against a picture of me stating the above. Little does Robert know that I am a cruel, cold hearted bastard when it comes to shoes and thought I better share what I did to a pair of my shoes which were my designated trail pair....note the spider, its web and a nice collection of cat litter to boot

 

Amazingly these shoes are still going strong and will know doubt get a good beating over the coming months as winter draws in.

Recovery Run?

Dew drenched cobweb

No that was an epic foot journey!

Leaving from Shoreham Village car park at 7.05 am George and I were on an exploratory run to find some new paths, little did George know that this was probably not going to be the case having forgotten my trusty OS map by the front door meaning I had to go back and fetch it on my way to his place. It had occurred to me the other day that we had not explored villages south of Otford and some of the paths amazing considering they have names like Greatness, Widernesse, Noah's Ark and Seal. The email I sent to Michael and George yesterday said:

"I thought we could explore Greatness and once there could run into the Wildernesse, find the Seal that should have been in Noah's Ark."

After that we planned to run without the map...that soon changed.

View north from Seal

Taking the new routes through the new villages we were met by some typical Down's hills which undulated at frightening rate that soon had us panting and sweating, the villages of Greatness and Wildernesse were nondescript with boring new housing sprawled around a clay pit open mine but still interesting to discover. I was beginning to think the visit was a mistake until we entered Seal and found a beautiful village with the 13th Century Saxon church of St Peter and St Paul which backed onto a wonderful view across the downs to Noah's Ark and Kemsing to the North.

Crossing the motorway and railway lines once more we approached Kemsing (visible in the fog above) and for some reason George and I though it totally acceptable that whilst on a recovery run to near as damn sprint up the forehill along an alley to find us both bent double gasping for air, from then on we chose to walk the hill the rest of the way. It was at this point we decided we needed a short break to have a banana and enjoy the view....absolutely stunning but now the mist was burning off and we had some more miles to go.

We soon met our old trail friend the North Downs Way and were back in Otford in the shake of a lamb's tail but I was then heard to say "Shall we turn right here and then just jump off the road onto a trail?" It sounded so matter of fact but I was feeling brave, after all I did have my map with me.

The trouble with reaching known territory is that it is very easy to revert back to old routes, of which I was getting tired of as I have been around this area quite a lot recently so after 2 miles we agreed to take a path we had not been up together to find ourselves in the middle of one of the busiest golf courses around and were surrounded by about 50 golfers. The next mile was one of amusement and bemusement as we watch the antics of some of these people, some slamming clubs down in temper, others driving buggies down "our path" and others driving over areas that were protected by law because of the wildlife, the latter irritating me beyond words. George quite rightly mentioned that this was not the place for one of our Sunday runs as we prefer trails and paths away from people...we won't be doing that gain in a hurry.

The journey home
This was a new phase to the run finding us on the wrong side of the motorway and no obvious roads to get back to the car, the only way was by map and trail. Working the course out we were soon taking paths that we reckon were not used for people for some time, with 16 miles in our legs to be met by four 6 foot ladder stiles some overgrown with brambles, yuck. The last mile was all down hill a drop of 300 feet which ate into the legs but now back in Shoreham people had surfaced and we refused to give in until the car which couldn't have come quicker.

"I thought that was suposed to be a recovery run" George was heard to exclaim. Yes but what a glorious tough recovery run it was.

Back to the trail

This week has been a very short one distance-wise as I have had a lot to deal with physically, firstly I reported restless legs, then I have had to contend with a large mouth ulcer and then mild a stomach upset, all symptoms of being run down. 

So the week has been one of rest, forced rest mind you, which has left me a little down in the mouth but that will all change with a nice run out to out usual haunt but this time with a promise of taking a new trail that will open up a whole new area to be explored....more after the run but it promises to be a reasonably tough one with the promise of a BIG hill....let's hope the recovery will be enough.

Baby face

 Here I am at the ripe old age of 17 years old running the Epsom 10 mile road race in 1982, 28 pounds lighter, hair dark as a piece of jet, stomach as a flat as a pancake and able to run the distance in approximately 64 minutes.To think my daughter is the same age now....gosh I feel old

Thanks to Johann for bringing this subject up

Restless Legs

One of the most annoying things I have found of late when in recovery from a long run is the horrible sensation of twitching in my leg muscles. It is very hard to explain what it feels like but it could be compared to someone tapping their fingers very lightly on your muscles, not painful just a sensation...up and down, up and down. The sensation flitters and rolls across the legs from the calf muscles to the quads...twitch, twitch, flitter, twitch...gggrrrr.

Getting home this evening I chose not to run as frankly I just didn't feel like it..."WHAT?" I hear you shout and you heard me right, I didn't feel like it as whilst my legs were tired and twitchy I just fancied putting my feet up on the sofa and rest.

So here I sit, twitching and shuffling my legs about feeling vaguely frustrated

New Night Run

1. The concept of the run is there, 
2. A route has been plotted, (10 mile and  new to this run a 5 mile route )
3. Reconnaissance completed
4. Date 29th October 2011...start venues to be confirmed
5. More details to follow via Facebook

Spray Day

After my public announcement of my new training plan it would have looked bad if on the second day I blew out from a run with the club but was happy to take a shorter route. Normally I would run to and from the club house but my plan stated that 5 miles was what was needed tonight, I was also very pleased to see the word Recovery next to the digits!

Arriving at the club by car, a rather decadent option, I enjoyed the chat deciding to team up with some of the guys who were out for the 5 mile option. This week the group's numbers were swelled by a large number of people who had improved significantly of late and wanted to "move up"...good to see.

Run done and happy that my legs had survived apart from a slightly sore tendon in the knee I went immediately to pick up a couple of bottles of cider and a bag of cashews from the supermarket. I wandered down the medicine aisle and noticed a spray can of Deep Freeze Cold Spray...a spot purchase "'cos I was told by Mike that cold is good".

When I got home I went into the kitchen with my purchases, read the instructions on the can and then decided to spray my knee and thigh "Hold 15cm from affected area and spray in 2-3 short bursts" I did and whilst happy that the cooling was good for my knee it saw the delightful Mrs S and myself running from the kitchen spluttering and rubbing our eyes as the butane and ethanol seared our corneas and settled on the back of our throats...Mrs S none to pleased! :-)

Next Steps

Last night I was happily sitting in the armchair resting my sore legs when I realised that the next few months were getting a little busy from so many areas, I was back teaching at College, work requires much more of my time and there were a few events I wanted to take part in...time to plot and plan.

The delightful Mrs S was out at work, the kids ensconced in their bedrooms writing billet-doux to Facebook friends, my chores done and so the trusty workbook training template was opened and a grid filled with diary and work commitments and the dates of events highlighted. I was amazed that it took just over an hour to fill  and then tweak so that I had at least a few days off here and there. 

This is a really important process to undertake as it now gives me an impetus to work through the winter now with challenges along the way in the form of LDWA challenges which will be discussed in future posts

Surrey Tops - Race Report

As this is a LDWA event you can immediately downgrade it from Race to Challenge...either way it was a cracking run whatever you call it. These events are self-guided using written instructions with the odd compass bearing thrown into the mix (thank God I remembered to take it)

This event is unusual as it starts at 1.00pm, which to any runner is the first hurdle as we like to get the run over and done with and I promised Gemma that I would be there at about 12:15pm after I had dropped off the various family members to there work and play. At 11.00pm the delightful Mrs S was unceremoniously dumped into the centre of Bromley and I disappeared in plume of tyre and exhaust smoke to race to go nowhere as I hit the M25 which had created a 5 mile tailback all of my own! After a few frantic calls to Gemma (who appears to arrived at the crack of dawn and was ready to run at 12 noon!) I eventually got into the hall at 12.45 pm and got on the rest of my kit ready to run (rather franticly)

At 12.55pm the ever efficient LDWA voluteer marshalls called us to the checkout, cards stamped we stood on the start line....err veranda...a photograph taken and we were started, or should I say we were reminded that the event had started as we were all to busy chatting! With that approximately 20 runners started the run with  a few whoops, calls we were off.

Now there were rumours that Gemma was rather loquacious but she had not met me yet! Never in the history of trail running had the two most talkative runners run together which soon proved to be a very fun filled few hours. Gemma was very polite when inundated with various geeky facts about navigation and how to convert miles to kilometres using only addition by my good self!

The first hill

After settling our legs into the run at around 3 miles after a very steep hill we thought we were all right for a little while until we reached the approach of the Devil's Punch Bowl which saw us rise 450 feet in 1 mile which was one hell of a tough climb in the heat of the day which saw me dripping with sweat whilst Gemma was not even out of breath although our converstion did drop off for a minute or two. The climb was worth every inch of climb when we reached the view point of the bowl which was just out of this world.

For the next 10 miles we were running in sunshine until it was pointed out that "The clouds look a bit dark Jerry" probably the understatement of the day and also the first of a few navigation errors against a poorly written note saw us take a right fork and climb a 150 foot hill to then realise at the top that we were wrong, so after an exploratory search we retraced and Gemma came up with a brilliant call to take a specific path which negated the requirement to go back down the hill as we found ourselves on the correct path (we were only 50 feet from the next direction). Morale was high now as we traipsed on to find ourselves running our old friend the North Downs Way and as if to greet us the weather turned bad as we were hit with torrential rain and wind that buffeted us from all sides, the added difficulty now was that the light was getting worse, especially in the trees. 

At the next check point about 20 miles we agreed to take a little extra time to get our kit sorted out, get some food in and it was then I was really grateful to Gemma's Mum (Jan) and Gemma's boyfriend (Sam) who were waiting for us in the car. I think I must have demolished the jam roly-poly plate and the custard creams in one fell swoop. With my water bottles full and a pocket full of penguin biscuits I rejoined Gemma to continue our journey along the North Downs Way taking us to the lowest point in the course to then start our ascent to the top of St Martha's Hill and the church to take a small descent to a steep climb to Newlands Corner. It was here we made a mistake in navigation, this was primarily down to the awful conditions as it was still very wet and the seemingly enormous number of fingerpoint signs which appeared to point in every direction and was here that we went on a round trip approximately 2 miles. Morale was a bit low here but we made a decision to retrace our steps to the Corner and after a little search we found the North Downs Way again.

As we past the 30 mile mark we found that we were travelling at an overall average of exactly 5 mph which is pretty good when added to the check point stops and it had gone very quiet between us, for no other reason that we were mid-race and were concentrating hard to see the route and the various hazards in our way as the night began to draw in which brought our speed right down as we tried to understand the directions given which were quite complicated for a tired runners brain to comprehend so Gemma and I kept checking our decisions which proved very useful and my compass getting yet another airing to see if the path we were on was correct.

The weather began to clear up but the paths and tracks beneath us were treacherous finding ourselves slipping, tripping and stumbling. It was after the third ankle twist that I turned to Gemma, who was a little quiet now, to ask if we should make a difficult decision now before we got to the check point.

After weighing up the odds we decided we wanted to leave the course on our terms as the conditions were just not right for runners so agreeing that 35 miles over such conditions and route was a testimony to our fitness and ability we made the decision to carry on to and hand our numbers in at the next checkpoint. 

At the checkpoint we pulled out and then had some warm soup and a cup of tea and I went about getting some dry kit on to find that I had been bleeding quite badly from some yet to undiscovered wound as my shorts contained a frightening amount of blood! Dressed, tummy full we were given a lift back to the start by Jan and with a big hug from Gemma and handshakes all around we departed happy in the thought of a run well done.

I am totally happy with the sensible decision to withdraw as this morning my ankles are very slightly swollen from the continued twisting on the course and it was only a matter before an injury happened. From what I could tell quite a few other people pulled out at the same point probably for the same reasons. Great run which in normal conditions would have been easy to complete just not this year.

The night before the Big run

I have been here many a time this year and over the past 12 months but I still get excited about the idea of trudging over hills, stumping my toes, twisting my ankles and scratching my legs to shreads for 12 hours.

All the traditional routine but essential things have been done, kit washed and folded, food collected and stockpiled, maps worked on, batteries changed in torches, fish and chips eaten....then everything is packed, unpacked fiddled with and repacked.

Looking forward to my adventure with my new found friend Gemma who sounds brilliant fun and a great companion. I have to drop off the darling Mrs S to work early and then I will be blatting around to the start some 53 miles away, however I will be travelling 12 times faster in the car than on foot!

Things to do when you taper...find some tape!

It is Thursday and I only have 5 miles in my legs for the week and as per norm when tapering I am feeling fidgety and achy, perfect symptoms of a carbload going well so I am doing what every runner should do 2 days before a race...get your kit together in a pile.

Once done I decided to set up my torch onto the strap of my backpack so that I can have some extra lighting during the night section of my run something I have found really useful in the past especially when map reading and to get extra depth perception when using a headtorch whilst leaving my hands free.

I have some old zinc oxide tape that I no longer use that is perfect for the job in hand, one because it has a good adhesive but does not leave a sticky residue when it is removed. Now all I need to do is to find my ruddy headtorch which seems to have gone walkabout.

Every cloud has a silver lining

Saturday will soon be here and I will be off on my 50 mile jaunt around the Surrey countryside, as I reported on 17th August (The Training Starts) I was planning to run 269 miles (including Saturday) over the past 5 weeks and I am quite pleased to note that my actual distance will be 241 miles which looks like a large shortfall but it is only a variance of about 5 miles a week caused by a drop in a long run and a few few miles here and there...I am not worried as the important thing is I have done 4 very good long runs one being a marathon in that time. Last night was the last run planned prior to Sunday however there could have been one more this evening.

A lady at the running club has been training a bunch of non-runners to run from nothing to 5 km on Wednesday nights and they were going to graduate this evening before their first race and she had asked for experienced runners to come along tonight to talk about the benefits of joining a club, I volunteered! I was thinking about this all day and was looking forward to it but found a message stating that I was no longer required and moped off to my desk where I stayed for 2 hours doing some programming. After I had completed my work I stretched and then realised that it was a good thing I didn't run tonight as I was tired and my legs are a little achy, time to "enjoy" the rest of my mini-taper afterall a run will not benefit me at the moment; Every cloud has a silver lining

Who's that bloke?

After Sunday's out-and-back run to the QEII Bridge in Dartford I have felt a little sore in the outer quad area of my legs and have been stretching them off when possible. I have a habit of doing it when in the office kitchen when I think no one is around but have been caught a couple of times with comment so have stopped doing it now!

Tonight was a planned 6 miles but I really did not want to do it at any fast pace or any hills as it would serve no benefit for Saturday's challenge and so decided to run with the 10 min/mile group to settle my legs and also to get to know a few people I had not had the pleasure of running with yet. For some reason tonight I was really chatty (more than normal) and was enjoying the banter and conversation however after a while I found myself near the front but happily off the shoulder of the run leader.

On our return I was approached by one of the runners who reported that a couple of people were talking about me at the back "You see that man at the front, he runs in group 4, he runs long distances" to which the reply was "How old do you think he is? About 30 years old?"

I laughed my head off, I know it was dark tonight which luckily (for them) must have hid my face but they are only 16 years out....and no, I am not 14 years old...I feel quite flattered :-D

An unusual destination

The QEII Bridge from below

Today's run probably had one of the more unusual turn around points for an out and back run for a little while! Not many people have seen the underneath of the Queen Elizabeth II Bridge or touched one of its stanchions, George and I have!

A later start than usual due to having to drop George's daughter off at a hall for a band competition saw us arrive at Cray Meadows, Bexley at about 7.10 am ready for a planned 21 mile run. The route would take us along the Cray River and then through to the River Thames to the north. The have been threats of the remains of hurricane Katrina coming across the Atlantic so I chose to go prepared by wearing my windproof jacket but within a mile I had it in my backpack as it quite humid this morning.

Taking a break

It is only until we had started out did I inform George of the change in turn around point which saw us take a new route at the 6 mile mark to get onto the East bank of the River Cray to the most bizarre landscape I had seen for a while with dramatic meandering dikes that were built as flood defences around the river. It took us around salt marshes, herds of cows shocked by our presence and herons fleeing into the air.

Even the graffiti
matches George's shirt

We commented that we were probably the first people to take this section of path for a long time and not a trip for the lone runner. Looking at the map below you will note the route turns East along the River Thames which was even stranger as it was obvious there were paths but still no evidence of footfall from people. We were soon to arrive at the QEII bridge and stand underneath listening to hundreds of vehicles thundering about 200 feet above us a surreal moment as we had a short break, have a drink and take in the scene before we return to the car via the same route.

A really great training run today, strong, consistent and showing we are ready for our races next weekend. I am due to have a 6 mile run on Tuesday but I will see how I feel as my legs have gone through a lot in the past 8 days (62.6 miles or 100km) but will probably go out for a couple of very gentle jogs before next Saturday

A Bridge too Far

I am running from here

 to here

then to here on Sunday....~ 20 miles

OMG

What have I done?

Hi Dick

Hope you are well

I am writing to express my interest in entering the ballot for the GUCR 2012. I look forward to hearing from you towards the end of October

--
Jerry Smallwood

My feet need some TLC

Here we go again I hear you shout Dear Reader, "Jerry hasn't been looking after his feet again!"

In some respects you are right but in fact I learnt my lessons last Winter when I suffered some horrible cracked heels from running in wet, cold and muddy terrain week after week. I have been checking my feet on a regular basis, making sure that callouses are cared for and tended to whilst also ensuring that nails are cut and hardened areas are moisturised (go on laugh but it makes sense).

In recent times I have been doing quite a lot of trail running and I got some minor abrasions around the ankle which were not worth talking about...until I ran a marathon last weekend! This is a classic example of looking after minor wounds immediately before they get worse 20 miles down the road something I did before the marathon but used the wrong type of plaster which fell off at some stage and now I have sore patches the size of a penny below each ankle bone where the shoes rub......gggrrrr.

Next is the ever present blackened toenail but this one is a cracker as it is an enormous blood blister below a regrowing damaged nail which has caused it to "float" around the top of my toe. This is now heavily taped whilst the area hardens so that infection does not set in..

So after tonight's 9 mile trail run with George I giving my feet a nice airing, big daubs of moisturiser and tomorrow where a pair of  Karrimor K2 sandals, afterall it is dress down Friday!

Hill training

Moping around the interweb this evening I was really pleased to come across Kevin Sayers' UltRunR website and a collection of thoughts on hill training. I always hear runners talk about the benefits of hill training and to go on about hill reps..."Got to do them Jerry, Got to do 'em buddy they will make you a better runner."

So then you see people running up hill at full pelt and then walking down the hill, running up the hill and walking down them ad infinitum. They then go about the world telling everyone what they have done....then we see stories that tell us that also do down hill training is beneficial.

I was always told, "Up for the heart and down for the legs" a saying I strongly believe in and there is often small sniggers from shorter distance runners as to why ultradistance runners walk up hills, this is not because we are lazy or trying to save energy for later on in the race but we are trying to prevent our quads being trashed. Similarly that is why it is really important to do down hill reps....so how do they work if you haven't got a stair master or a bike. Simply do the opposite that you would do on up hill training.*

1. Find a suitable hill, preferably paved with no crossings and no pedestrians
2. Mark out 100 metres then and extra 10 metres ( your braking distance!)
3. After a warm up start at the top
4. Sprint down hill to the 100 metre mark, turn
5. Jog or walk to the top
6. Repeat

I would suggest that you don't mix up and down hill training in the same session but if this becomes part of a regular training session this will really help the latter stage quad trashing that occurs in long runs.

As I am consistently running on the North Downs there are sufficient undulations to fit this into a standard long run with out reps...enjoy

* I am not a qualified trainer just imparting my experience as to what works with me

Mileage dip

It is the forth week of my five week crash training plan and it is all coming together nicely and looking at the mileage requirements I am very pleased with it so far although I am down by about 20 miles over the 4 weeks caused by a reduction in miles on a  few mid-week runs, this I care not a jot for my long runs have been fine.

I have a small week this week and was really pleased to get out tonight on a pacey 10km run with the club ending with a little race in the last mile with a couple of the guys, my calfs are a little sore and stiff but the run has done them some good by getting the blood flowing. So whilst knowing that the 50 mile event is not a race but an endurance run I am being careful by now dropping the mileage slowly just so that I am fully prepared.

Issues this week:

1. Back down to 8½ toenails after Sunday
2. Two ankles rubbed raw from a previous trail run
3. Tight calfs

Stupid is as stupid does

Often not discussed on my blog is the aftermath of an event and the effects it has on me, as a runner, both physically and mentally.

Expectation v excitement

There you are the training days turn into weeks, the weeks into months as the big event is on the horizon and you look , check and go over the training plans to see if you have done enough or is there something you can do that will help you go that little further or just that little bit faster. The 5.45 am Sunday wake ups will soon be a thing of the past as you stand on a wet and windy North Downs Way with sweat dripping in your eyes and an unquenchable thirst, swearing under your breath asking why you do such a stupid sport and wouldn't stamp collecting be a warmer, safer option.

You are seen pouring over maps of courses, making lists of kit that you need to either replace or put on the ever growing pile by the drop bag; the ever patient partner hoping the race day will come quicker than you just to allow some form of normality return to the household.

Soon the day before the race arrives, excitement takes over, you can't wait to get out there; expectation precedes.

The day unfolds

You awake, you travel, you arrive on time, you prepare for the run going through the well rehearsed list that you have in your mind. Then finally you are there at the start, the nerves showing as the colour drains from your face and you find yourself chatting "running talk" and the ubiquitous subject of your last bowel movement and whether is was prudent to have had that chicken tikka masala last night instead of the vegetarian pasta option.

Reality unfolds

Then the last minute panic sets in, did I put enough Vaseline on my arse? Is it a good idea that I am wearing a brand new pair of shoes with only the equivalent distance of a running shops aisle's worth of miles in them! Why is my arse getting hotter? Did I get the Ralgex tub mixed up with the Vaseline or is that the chicken tikka masala talking?......BANG the race has started.

It is too late now!

Be your race 5,000 metres or 50 miles you are now in the lap of the pantheon of running Gods, unbeknown to the beginner they are a mixed bunch of good and bad, some vindictive but mostly kind others vengeful, some sadistic. You will find however that after a few runs you will meet all, if not just one, of these deities.

Like a true athlete you take on the run with all your ability and expectation, you take on that hill, you savour the every moment, you admire the scenery, the handmade sign written by your 6 year old daughter telling you she loves you memories only you can share with other runners, woe betide he or she who tries to discuss it with a non-running partner they will never "get it " as running really is stupid and bad for your knees!

Reality rears its ugly head

As you descend the hill your toes slap into the toe box of your running shoe and you curse that you forgot to  tighten your shoe at the start as you were too busy talking about bowel movements  to that embarrassed elderly lady runner, then you remember that using conditioner on your running shirt exacerbates "nipple rub" and is lycra a good idea on a hot day for runs over 15 miles?

Lungs bulging to the point of bursting, legs on fire, sweat in your stinging eyes and you can see the finish line but it seems there is a path of burning coals between you and it just as you feel your toe nail give up the ghost, all your race plans have gone to the dogs.

The finish

This is a mine field of emotions with tears of joy or cries of frustration, mostly of frustration when goals are missed and bodies lie panting on the ground like fish out of water. There are tales of daring do and ones of woe...what could have been, what should have been done. Show ponies and cart horses alike eat greasy, semi-cooked beefburgers from the stand drinking tarmac tasting coffee imbibing more calories than they burnt up in the race.

Then you drag yourself away from the pantomime that is known as "The Big Race" mourning or elated about the way things went and with one last glance over your shoulder you look at the Finish line being dismantled in the late evening light wishing you could do it all over again.

Stupid is as stupid does.

Kent Coastal Marathon - Race Report

Leaving the house this morning I could hear the church clock chime 7.00 am as I chucked my kit into the car and made my way to Margate in the South-East of Kent. The journey was seamless and was really lucky to get a free parking space about 100 yards from the start and had collected my race number by 8.20 am, now what to do for 70 minutes, only one thing buy a drink and catch up with friends.

My training has been going OK in recent times but I know that the mileage has been high with little rest but I was going to see if I could get near my personal best of 3:44 hours as possible. Stark warning were put about to not race off with the half-marathon runners and to run your own race which I took heed of as we sent off just after 9.30 am.

Things were going great with me taking on the slightly hilly course confidently and moving up through the field at a pace I was happy I could keep up with for the rest of the race that was until I got to about mile 6 and I suddenly got stomach cramps (I am getting fed up with these) and was desperate for a toilet and asked every marshal I passed to a shrug of the shoulders. Luckily it passed but at mile 10 it returned with a vengeance which took the edge off my speed but I carried on and as I passed the Start at 13.1 miles I was very tempted to throw the towel in but refused with a plan to continue on for a toilet or go as far as I could. At last at mile 14 I found what I had been looking for and went about my business.

Afterwards I looked at my watch to find that obtaining a PB was beyond my means so decided at this point to "revert to type", pull off the speed and just plod off at 10 kph average a plan I am pleased I made as it was soon to become very warm as the sun burnt off the early clouded sky.

So the run went on and soon dropped down to the shoreline below the cliffs to allow us to run for about 10 of the next miles on the flat with only a few steep ascents and I was soon to see Margate in the distance to be met by a hill that on normal days would be a matter of skipping up but this course had taken its toll and I walked it until the top but soon found a new lease of life realising that I only had 3/4 mile to go and I had a race on my hands with another gentleman who remained behind me the distance...that is until I had entered the funnel and was 5 feet from the line when he pushed.....yes pushed me aside and went over the line before me, I was none to pleased with this unsportly behaviour and made it known to see him scuttle off into the crowd.

I passed the line at 4:12:06  by my watch with an official time of 4:13:02.....that is almost a perfect 10 kph pacing and an average heart of 147 bpm, I am pleased with that.

What makes it even better was the club I ran for won the Kent County Championships (but not because of me though)

Kent Coastal Marathon Prep

Whilst the rest of the family are out for the afternoon I have been using the time to get my kit ready for tomorrow's marathon, reviewing the course profile and planning my route there. I am trying not to think of this as a target race but it does allow me the opportunity to see how my training is going and get the dust out of my hair so I won't hang about on this one.

I keep seeing comments like "Enjoy the taper Jerry" or "Enjoy the rest" on various social networking sites but in fact I have only missed one planned training run...today's (I had swapped Thursday to Wednesday)! However, having had a break of three days has had some benefits as I feel my legs are comfortable and not grumbling although I have a bit of tightness in my calves which I am gently stretching off.

The Kit

I have got the kit layed out and the only difference is I am running for Orpington Road Runners tomorrow as I "won" the race number through that club. I dislike running in their club shirt as it tends to rub me and shred my nipples so have tried to stretch it so may either wear a shirt under it or get loads of tape or vaseline under there. As ever, the Union Flag shorts are freshly laundered and I am taking my windproof jacket as there is threat of rain but will make a judgement on the day

Elf and Safety

I am often seen spluttering in disbelief when I see ridiculous health and safety signs or warnings that are basically common sense. I am aware that in this litigious modern world organisers of events have to cover themselves but I am often seen with my mouth wide open with some of the notes:

•  "...wear suitable clothing before,during and after the event..."

• "...use sunblock that will last the duration of the race..."
• "...marathon and half marathon races put significant demands on your body..."
• "...warn you of the specific hazard of tripping over bollards, stakes, mooring lines and fishing rods close to the water’s edge..."
• "...Public nudity will not be condoned..."