Tears of a Clown

Anxious, low self esteem, racing thoughts, constantly worrying,  recurring thoughts, irritable and losing my temper easily?

Yes Dear Reader this is me and all these are symptoms of Stress, my heart palpitating as yet another requirement to hit an unreasonable target by an inexperienced manager hits my desk. I am desperately unhappy, I feel I am incapable, undervalued...under threat!

My biggest fear is my underlying depression bubbling to the surface, I can feel it just behind my eyes and forehead, an irrepressible pressure like a lead weight pulling at my forehead. I am trying to fight it back and usually try to do it with humour or distracting conversation but cannot deal with it as the pressure of work envelopes me.

Break out

I get to the track and as the usual crowd prepare to do speed training I prefer to plod out 20 laps at a very steady pace. Mike, a trusted and valued friend, joins me on his warm up laps and I mention that I am feeling down and he mentions that I am joking and sounding upbeat! I replied without thinking:

"Tears of a Clown, Tears of a Clown Mike."

I run the track, I enjoy the tranquility, the noise of runners passing me and my chance to have time with my own thoughts.

I leave the track, laughing and joking but dark thoughts are still there as this clown leaves for the night

No Monkey Feet Jezza?

Two weeks off and a drop in mileage due to a nagging foot injury caused by a horrendous pair of running shoes purporting to be minimalist that I am product testing, has seen my confidence sway somewhat.

It was my first day back at work on Tuesday after a two week break and the Delightful Mrs S identified immediately that my stress levels were high. My 50 mile run is at the weekend and so Mrs S allowed to take the easy route to the club....by car. I hadn't been to the club for two weeks, the first week was because I had run a 20 miler with Rob that day and last week as I was away.

As I stood in the park the usual crowd appeared standing around chatting when I heard someone shout "No Monkey Feet Jezza?" and for sure I was not having plumped for my orange trail shoes which I am wearing on Saturday ot wanting any bumps or bruises since returning properly from injury.

As for the run, I was really pleased with it, I had chosen a slightly slower group that I am used to but just wanted to get the miles in at a comfortable pace finishing off.

One more run on Thursday and we will be ready for action on Saturday.

50 mile plans

My late night musings took me to start planning for my 50 mile run next week, I was releaved to receive an email from the organiser which (part of it) read:

The run is really just an informal gathering of like minded individuals looking for a long trail run. Most will have their own objectives for the day, a PB at a certain distance, a chance to run with friends, a chance to run an official marathon or ultra or just a social way to run a few miles. We don't use the word 'race' regards Ayot events, if you want to 'beat the competition' you've come to the wrong place :)

This was a great relief to read what with my recent lack of form further exacerbated by an aching ankle and painful plantar tendons in the right foot was worrying me such that I wanted to pull out. However this message made me feel happier as there was no pressure, it was about company with the option to run with people who are normally at the front and just to have fun with like-minded people.

Initial plans are to go up by train early next Saturday and get a lift from the station...more to follow.

Off the grid

Unbeknownst to my Dear Readers I have been away on a short break with the family to a small village in Devon, typically for us we did it all very last moment with little research but we know the area reasonably well such that we went for it in true Smallwood fashion.

Little did we know that the village we were staying in was in a mobile phone deadspot and there was no internet connection, in fact perfect. After my recent stressful time at work all I needed was to get back to basics. We had a village store, a small pub full of locals but easy access to beaches and activities associated with a family with teenagers.

By day two I was getting restless but had no maps of the local area I was not too sure how far any of the local paths went. I went to a neighbour who was sitting outside her back door and asked her where the local path led, here came the wonderful reply that can only come from British village life where there is no need for addresses, just positions or property identified by the occupants name, thus:

"Go down to Elsie's house opposite the pub and go down the alley along the brook, keep going until you get the big oak on the hill, past the tower on the left where there is a beautiful view, don't startle the deer , past the church and you then reach the water"

.....my run was just as she explained

The Brook

The Big Oak on the hill

The Tower on the Left

THE STARTLED DEER!

The Beautiful View

The Church

Waters reached

All in all a wonderful run, no GPS watch, no clock, no map just my Monkey Feet

Monkey Mending

A typical Saturday saw me dropping the girls to work, running errands and........ limping!

That is until I had an idea of putting my Monkey Feet on which is totally counterintuitive as you would think they would put pressure on the plantar ligaments in my injured foot.....but it worked.

This is a really interesting to have discovered, well not really discovered, more suspected over the years that some injuries are exacerbated by the shoes we purchase to "Support and Protect". Maybe it was because I damaged my foot whilst wearing a non-minimalist shoe and it, itself bruised me and the fact that I have changed my shoe to a non-supportive one has alleviated the pain...who knows?

Needless to say I shouldn't be running with this ankle problem but at least I can walk around without the tenderness and carry on icing and compressing it. Not happy as my 50 mile race at the end of the month does not look good as the weight piles on and my training miles falters yet again.

Lumps and Bumps

It looks like Tuesday's run involving a mild twist of the ankle has paid its toll; for here I sit with my foot in a  bucket of cold water to reduce the swelling. Now some of the swelling is down it is obvious there is a distinctive lump under the right medial ankle running for about 5cm....signs of a damaged tendon(?)

As I leave it out in the air you can see the area swell again so this does not bode well for my trip to Dartmoor in a few days, that is, unless I rest up well and ice it.

Hopefully the pair of compression socks I have been asked to test will help as a good way to keep the swelling down

Cameo of a runner

 I often mention in my posts "The woods" or "The river" which as My Dear Readers will know are local to where I live. I often joke that I am never further than 1 mile away from a sheep and use the woods as my escape, I know animal tracks, short cuts, long cuts, I know the best place to stand at sunset and I know of paths only few have trodden and I know there are many to discover.

I enjoyed Rob's blog from Tuesday's run where he obviously noticed a difference in me as we ducked into the woods at about the 18 mile mark, by bad bonk diminishing and I got in to the groove:

Jerry wasn't feeling so great so we stopped for food and also a hidden water tap to refuel and off again we went. We could have run all day but a mini-bonk by Jerry and it was the quick route home via a can of coke at the Homebase car park in somewhere that started with Cray. After much protestation we shuffled along until the caffeine kicked in and for me it was a nice opportunity to observe the cameo of a chap on his own running turf. Fleet of foot and happy as Larry, he scurried through the loose soft path of Petts Wood and Hawk Wood, along the train line and back to chez Smallwood. This nimble effort showed me that he did not need to scent mark his patch. He owned it. Great! It was good to see him running at his speed and not trying to blast it as I was around.

 UltraBobban; ultramarathon running adventures
My running journey

Bonking on the Downs

In 2008 I underwent my first ultradistance run on the wonderful trails of Arundel in Southern England and it is on these trails I met Rob and was to do so at various events through the past few years.

Rob is a much faster and capable runner than I and so today I was a little intimidated that we were going on a 20 mile run together not helped with me suffering with a mild hangover which saw me down a bottle of sports drink and a coffee even before leaving the house. 

Getting the 8.17am train to Sevenoaks we arrived in good mood to run the Darent Valley Path to Eynsford and then cut off up to Crockenhill where at the 10 mile (16km) mark we ascended from the valley to cut back towards home turf. The heat was rising and I was feeling pretty good until just about 3 miles (5km) past the "selfy" picture above and it was then I just bonked...

Bonking

I haven't bonked in a long time but boy did I feel rough, I even pulled out a carb gel lurking at the bottom of my race vest and happily took a handful of Jelly Bellys from Rob but it was taking a long time to work but just a mile or so ahead there was a burger van where I guzzled an ice cold coke and for the next 5 minutes grumbled and moaned until I got a second wind as the caffeine and sugar kicked in and I took the next few miles at a better pace even enjoying the looping and navigation through my local woods.

Rob, seeing it was about a mile to my house quite rightly scooted off to finish a lovely 20 mile (32km) run, full of banter, hilarity and most importantly camaraderie often found in long distance runners

Keep it simple - A Night Run Report

I awoke on Saturday morning with the expectation and preparation of a 52 mile run later that day and night...I was to be disappointed when I discovered Gemma, for whom I was pacing, had pulled out early (not unexpectedly) with her knee injury.

All day I was like a cat on a hot tin roof, jumping, bouncing, just full of energy such that I was even seen to finish the long over due wallpapering.

The Running RADAR was on full sweep.

Many of my readers will know that the Delightful Mrs S has a very impressive running RADAR which she uses to sniff out any running activity from her errant husband and after finding the big run was off put it to 100% power, 360 degree sweep...she was not to be disappointed but I am no fool so didn't even try to hide it, for I had to burn off some energy somehow

A Cunning Plan

The Delightful Mrs S knew I had planned to be out all evening anyway so why not plan an impromptu Night Run and lo and behold my call to assist  was answered by my barefoot running mentor, Duncan. He even had the perfect timing of ringing me just as I was snipping the last dog-ear of wallpaper and we agreed to meet at 7.45pm

The Delightful Mrs S was vaguely unimpressed (but secretly pleased) that I had managed to get a plan in to run and irritated that I had managed to involve cider as well.

The run

Duncan and I met up to discover neither of us had a preferred route but we soon found ourselves heading for Shoreham and the river Darent. Excellent that meant a run on well trod paths and the promise of a new pub to try, the Chequers in Farningham, described as:

Horseshoe shaped pub with high ceilings and a central bar. Many of the wood panels show hand painted scenes of Kent. 

The two of us on fire, the pace a little ballsy at about 8 min/mile pace which in the dimming light of the Summer evening was pretty good as we arrived at the Chequers , dripping with sweat to await a glass of mysteriously named ales called "Chinook" and "Harvey's Gold". Indeed a lovely traditional Kent pub and surprisingly busy but alas we had to move as we were getting stiff.

Add 10 percent

Tradition dictates that Night Runs always have an extra 10% miles and Duncan agreed that tradition was to be adhered to as we found ourselves ignoring the out and back. We knew these roads and ran them with gusto, the conversation deep and philosophical but soon jumping back on the original path having added a loop. Our original plan of 10 miles proved to be 11....perfect.

and then to the finish line for here a glass of well deserved San Miguel, for Duncan and I a wondefully cooled glass of Cider.

Running at its simplest

Product Reviews

The message read:

All, you have all put your names forwarded to be testers for this year and you will all be receiving some free stuff 

When I sent the letter of interest in assisting a magazine test running equipment and my specific interest in minimalist and barefoot running it was with total surprise when I was handed 4 pairs of shoes:

1. Skechers Gorun 2
2. Nike Free 5.0
3. Merrell Ascend Glove GORE-TEX
4. Mizuno Wave Evo Ferus

My job now is to get some running in with them but already even just having a walk up the road I am favouring the Merrells and the Mizunos as they have a little more room in the toe box but secretly they are still a running shoe which need socks in my opinion so I have a feel my Monkey Feet are safe for a little while but these shoes look great and are going to get loads of use.

Begin at the beginning

Begin at the beginning and go on till you come to the end, then stop.

Lewis Carroll, Alice's Adventures in Wonderland. 

 The king's comment to the white rabbit demonstrates how simple any task can be to accomplish. It also hints that the easiest way to start any task, big or small, is to simply start doing what you need to do.

The Shadow Returns

Like a bolt out of the blue the telephone rang...

"Hello Jerry, George here!" 

Picking myself up off the floor a whirlwind of conservation ensued, months of catching up, headline news, calendar flicked, dates noted and races listed....all in a 36 minute phone call.

So it appears after a year of self-exile, George (a.k.a.The Shadow) returns from the near darkness to announce he is returning to the world of ultradistance running and from the sound of it I now have a winter training partner willing to take on the more serious miles  we will need for some 2014 early challenges.

Welcome back George.

Another Greenwich Run

Today I awoke at a more sedate hour of 7.00am with the promise of meeting a few club mates up the road for 8.00am with the intention of running to London Bridge at an equally sedate pace. Today Eleanor was in charge of the route and I was pleased when I found us on untrodden back roads I have not been on finding us turn up in Greenwich Park. I chose to have a little rest here (read as a stomach upset) whilst the others took a quick loop of the park where I rejoined them for the descent to the Thames Path.

When we reached the Cutty Sark I called to the rest as to whether we could have a detour down into the famous Greenwich Tunnel which goes under the River Thames to the north bank. Descending the spiral staircase I was amazed how cold it was down there with the tunnel walls covered in condensation and we whipped up a pace to the other side to return finding the lift waiting for us, so taking the opportunity we reached the top to discover that in fact it was a warm day.

Today, even though my start was a little stuttered I completed the 16 mile run feeling strong, comfortable and unphased...today I feel as though I am finally finding my fitness again and looking forward to my 50 mile run next weekend.

2,000 barefoot metres

Trudging home through the heat of the day I was suddenly aware of someone calling my name, it was Rob who lives down the road from me. He was half kitted out and asked whether I was running at the track and if I wanted a lift there. I was planning to do something a little longer but the heat was just too much so the track sounded a great alternative and with the added benefit of company.

Rob picked me up and we drove the few miles to the track where there was a surprising number of runners all there to do speed work... in 30 C heat! I did my usual and went for my standard set paced run which averaged at 8min/miles (5min/km) feeling strong and unpressured.

The other runners were doing some sort of torturous work out and were resting a lot and the running fast, I plodded on catching up with the chat as the passed. The I decided to take my Monkey Feet off and see what it would be like to run totally barefoot on the track (the last time I did it last year it was a bit uncomfortable) so I threw them to one side and ran a lap, then another and another until I did 2,000 metres...it felt glorious.

Legs and foot sinews feel fine but the skin is a little sore but great after a warm bath....have I told you? I love barefoot running.